Congenital Gingervitis

Who is THIS handsome fellow?

Who is THIS handsome fellow?

Dear [Not-Yet-Conceived] Cooper,

I chose the donor I did because I wanted you to have red hair. I’m sorry you will be emotionally savaged by your hair-color-normative peers. Also, I named you after my car.


This is not 100 percent true. I had other criteria, like a lack of grammatical errors in the donor’s writing sample. (Because that’s clearly a more defensible stance.)

I do want you to look like me, so if you get lost in a corn maze you won’t be returned to the wrong parents. But I also want you to have some contrast between your hair and your skin, because otherwise you’ll look like an egg if you wear your hair short.


This is why you might have red hair.

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