News Round-Up: You Can Be a Little Pregnant

1. You can be “a little pregnant.” I was shocked when my first Cycle 3 blood pregnancy test was “positive, but it probably won’t stick.” My hCG levels were higher than nothing but lower than something. Two more blood tests were required to confirm yet another new-to-me term: “chemical pregnancy.”

2. There should really be a blood test loyalty program: For every 10 tests, you get a new vein.

2. I ran out of my first donor. Goodbye, red-headed cross between Jeremy Renner and Eddie Izzard. My new donor is a videogame artist and a rapper (more on him later!), and is sold by The Sperm Bank of California, a nonprofit, Berkeley, Calif.-based, woman-forward concern that’s the antithesis of Fairfax Cryobank. I now own $2,000-worth of donor 4575.

3. I’ve been cataloging the differences between Shady Grove’s Annandale, Va., and K Street clientele, as I alternate between those offices.

Winter footwear of choice: Annandale, Uggs. K Street, leather calf- or knee-high boots with spiky heels.
Accessory of choice:
Annandale, male partners. K Street, giant engagement rings.
Entertainment of choice:
Annandale, the TV. K Street, iPhones.
Body type:
Annandale, mesomorph or endomorph. K Street, ectomorph. How are they going to push those babies out?
Entrance strategy:
I’ve never seen more than one woman waiting for the doors to open at Annandale. At K Street, getting to the front desk first at 7 a.m. is a competitive sport, involving stages of encroachment on the door; suspicious, I-was-here-first-don’t-even-think-about-it stares; and the threat of having a foot impaled by the aforementioned boots.

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