News Round-Up II

1. I encountered a new Northwest Cryobank ad!

The content of this Urban Dictionary entry is hardly infant-appropriate. That mom’s too busy smelling her baby to notice.

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2. I used the high-powered media outlet at which I work to take a bold stance on parenting.

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3. I was in CPR/AED/first aid training on Monday. We all had to practice our skills on baby dolls. No one else named their babies! (Mine was Abigail.) What weirdos!

News Round-Up


1. Miley Cyrus and a naked Miss Teen USA failed to rouse the Northwest Cryobank baby.

2. I had the comforting realization that my child will be spared the shuddering horror of knowing one’s parents once had sex.

3. Childcare in D.C. costs more than $400/week, so this blog may go on hiatus for a few years because that’s more per month than my mortgage.

4. I got started on my baby registry. [Ed. note 11/14/14: This was funny at the time because it linked to a registry of nothing but clown-themed items. Now it’s just a normal baby registry.]

Parenting Tips From Alana

Allow me to introduce you to Alana.

Alana is the heroine of my favorite comic book series, “Saga,” by Brian Vaughan and Fiona Staples. She has a baby, Hazel, with her husband, Marko.

Let’s look at some of the tasks Alana accomplishes while carrying a baby. All of these make concerns like D.C.-area daycare costing $400-plus a week seem pretty trivial.


Alana keeps her shit relatively together after this bounty hunter, The Stalk, injures Marko with her barbed tongue. Alana’s weak little gun, called a Heartbreaker, briefly incapacitates victims with painful memories. The Stalk is not impressed.


The Stalk wants to take Hazel alive. Alana bluffs hardcore (or does she?), because a Heartbreaker can kill an infant.


Alana carries both her wounded husband AND Hazel on a long journey through some caverns.

Remember, Alana gave birth less than a week ago at this point.


Alana and Marko go into battle against some baddies, armed with nothing but Marko’s sword and Alana’s ineffective gun. But as a trained combatant, Alana doesn’t need the Heartbreaker to rain wrath upon her enemies.


Alana keeps hold of Hazel after being wounded in the firefight. Marko, who went all beserker, needs to chill the heck out, says Alana.


Much later in the series, Alana shows some reanimated skeletons who’s boss. ALANA IS BOSS.